Thats better ya fat geordie twat!!!

Well after a frankly poo week or so,things have gone swimmingly this week.Saturday i made 5th in the pot limit,picking up 44 nutz points my first for a week.What was particularly pleasing was that i was down to 3000 chips when i reached the Ft,and managed to blag and steal my way into a decent position,only to eventually get muffed by a weaker hand when my QQ lost to A9.

Then on Sunday,i had another very decent result in the high stack,making 7th,the first time i have made the Ft in this particulary tournament which appears to be one where people at least attempt to play decent poker.

Yesterday,i played arguably my best poker for many moons,making 11th in the 10.30(no mean feat with the amount of muffs involved) and then reached heads up in my fave tournie the Hi Li,with a very good player called stbernard who i have played against a number of times.Initially i was down 2-1 chips but i clawed back into a small lead.I asked him if he wanted to split,he agreed and we both pocketed 515 dollars each,a very agreeable sum IMHO.There were 80 entrants last night,far more scandi's than usual and i fully believe this could grow into an excellent tournament,if laddies would just up the gteed amount to say 500$,to encourage 100 plus players.

Anyway,haven't played at all today,but fking need to after shelling out £200 on school clothes for the kids.I am now clear in 2nd in the Nutz Monthly but will need something special to catch Lexus,who has to be fair,been playing some excellent stuff recently.I think it's a bridge too far,but i haven't given up hope yet,but will probably have to enter turbo's which are not really my cup of tea.

Anyhow,thanks for stopping bye and gl at the tables.

Strip Poker

Word of warning fellas,never play the wife and her best mates at strip poker,as your KK's will always get cracked...

I started of playing tight early doors and picked up a few nice pots(no not me beer belly ya cheeky twats) but then it all went tits up when my KK ran into her mate Kerry's J7 o/s ffs...

Flop K77.......i raised my trousers,she re-raised me all in.

Had to call,turn 4 and the fucking river was another bastard 7 , grrrrrrrrrr!!!!!...................

Oh lordy,ffs !!!

What can i say??? No points at all since Saturday,lots of good positions fucked up by being far too clever for my own good and risking stacks with 50/50 and generally a very very poo few days of poker,lightened only by getting 2nd,1st,and 2nd 3 days out of 3 in the 2.15 hi lo freezeout.

Other than that a quite appalling run of bad decisions,bad beats and muffy play from myself and opponents.good example of me arsing things up is today.15 left in the 2pm i have 25k in 4th,i gets AQ in position.I raise 3600,the kid below me(scandi who had been stealing im sure) raises 10k.Ha Ha,got ya ya scandi muff,and i re-raise.He sticks his stack in,i call now i'm committed and he shows 1010.No ace ffs,and i'm out!!!What a fool i am,what a twatful call by me,and another utterly pointless day's poker ends with sweet f.a. other than 60 dollars for my 2nd in the hi lo.I seriously feel like playing only hi lo now,as i'm frankly shit at holdem.

Off out tonight to the Toon to get shit faced,and poker will not be on my mind as i scan the local totty.

take care all.

No point hiding the fact...

Some times you have to just hold up your hands and say "i fucked up".Suffice to say the last few days have on the whole been utter rubbish.Had a 9th in the 11am,but only points for top 8,and a 10th in the hi lo,but other than that i have frankly played appallingly.I wont try to gloss over this by saying i got badbeat.I did lose to KK twice and get my 8k all in called by someone with K355(whot hit a 5 ffs,the tool) but on the whole i have mainly lost when behind and have no excuses other than my good recent form has rather fallen apart since reading 2 cheap poker books.
Not entirely sure why,but all the prose on playing pocket pairs,pot odds,defending blinds etc has rather confused me and frankly i wish i hadn't bothered and had just continued to learn from the experience of tournament play.

I hope to get back to basics today of playing tight,then aggressive with premium hands with the odd raise/call with suited connectors throw in,in the hope i can get a good result to lift my confidence which has rather taken a dent last 48 hours or so.

Can't go without mentioning another splendid effort from Jat and Kaz in the Dream team,finishing 3rd and 12th respectively,putting us in a rather strong position.Well done poker m8's.:)

and if you have stumbled upon this by accident,please check out www.leaguenutz.com ,the internet's best poker league and best bunch of poker people around.

Rubbish at poker(good night from me and it's good night from him)

Here is my A team episode synopsis i was asked to submit,hope you like.


My A-Team Episode Synopsis by Flanders

The Poker Player's Banana by Flanders

On tonight's A-Team, Jat McBrunson has an old friend who's a Poker Player. But his friend has a big problem. A rival Poker Player is trying to drive the friend out of business. The rival has already rag dolled his friend's Moffman, and tried to steal a Banana.
The rest of the team arrives to help. LennyDawn offsuit, is tremendously attracted to the pretty girl who works with the Poker Player, but she prefers Poker Kaz. To further complicate matters the team is being chased by a Poker Manager.
The A-Team has a fight with the men of the rival Poker Player. Poker Kaz says, ''I'll blow u for a fiver!!!''. Jat McBrunson throws two guys through a window. LennyDawn offsuit gets a black eye and Poker Kaz doesn't even break a sweat.

But the A-Team is captured when the rival's boss, Vad the Slayer, shows up with twelve guys carrying uzis. The A-Team is locked in a card room. LennyDawn offsuit says, ''Oh fk,i've been caught in the cookie jar!!!!''. Hannibal comes up with a plan. They build an armored Skateboard out of a Poker chip and odds 'n ends.
The A-Team escapes and goes into Vad the Slayer's territory, guns a-blazing. ''All I wanted was Poker world domination, and that Banana was the key.'' complains Vad the Slayer, as the A-Team leaves him tied up for Poker Manager to ban his chat.

''Sitck that in ya pipe twat!!!'' says Jat McBrunson.

The End

Not bad at all,even i say so myself...

Hello Muffers everywhere!!

Poker-wise pretty good day Saturday.Finished 19th in the 2pm,despite the fact i had to leave at 4pm,i managed to sneak into Nutz points position before chucking in my stack with A10 which surprisingly lost to the normally fatal JJ.How come i never win with the feckers??

Then i played the Daily Leo cop 6 seater final which i had qualified for earlier in the day.I had one small slice of luck early on when my KA muffed AA(hehe) by hitting a straight,but other than that pretty much cruised into Septembers 100k final and actually ended up winning the thing,so well chuffed witht that.
I also continued my good hi lo form by making 7th although even that was slightly dissappointed as i got muffed by TheMoose who called my all in with absolutely nothing and hit a flush.When i asked him why,he stated "coz i could afford to gamble" which was of course utter bollocks as i would have halfed his stack and left him crippled,but hey,i can live with a bad beat as i am learning that muffers get lucky short term,but not long term.

Oh fuck,my diet slightly went on the backburner as the lure of copious tins of 500ml Budweiser was just too much to bear,so i shall have to behave big time next few days if i'm to lose any more off my big fat arse.

laterz

Vad the impaler!!!!

The true story of Vlad the Impaler, better known as Dracula,is one of terror and cruelty. In order to appease the Turkish Sultan, Vlad and his brother Radu were sent to Anatolia as hostages. This is, as any psychologist could tell you, is where Vlad’s story begins to shape him into the fearsome Vlad the Impaler. After Vlad Drakul was buried alive by the Turks, the younger Vlad became ruler of Wallachia in the year 1456. It is during this time that Vlad’s cruel “justice” earned him fear and infamy across Europe (due to the increasing usage of the printing press throughout the Continent). To Romanians, the story of Vlad the Impaler is one of patriotism, but to others who discover the truth behind the mystery, Vlad was a truly gruesome individual. Impaling enemies on stakes was a favorite pastime of Vlad’s—Vlad was the ultimate practitioner of “tough love.”

Our very own League Nutz Vlad,Vad,Madv or whatever the fuck his name is,is an equally fearsome character.Constantly in ya face re-raising ya raises,constantly thieving ya big blinds with his 56 chit,and constantly check raising u every time you try to nick a chip back,he really is a fucking pain in the arse to play against.Fortunately,sponsoring the bloke makes putting up with this shit worthwhile,especially when he brings home the bacon i.e. last night in the 50 dollar.A superb example of aggression and timing left all who backed him a healthly few quid up,and was a welcome return for the syndi gang after a couple of days getting sweet fk all.

Also a big shout to Jat who finished a very creditable 6th and ended this crappy bollocks of us lot not being good enough to mix it with the 50 and 100 dollar tournies.Fab effort fella even though ya didnt wanna play coz you needed to be up early.The fact he was still arsing about on the forum at 3am makes me think the adrenalin was still pumping long into the night and i wouldn't fancy chipping out of one of his bunkers today,as i very much doubt itll have been raked as good as usual,hehe.

As for me,another pretty good day.Finished 3rd in the 12 oclock picking up 50 odd points,reducing rob's lead a little more,and also went close in the hi lo finishing a very creditable 12th fom 89 runners,just busting out when my AA failed to hit on the flop.I could have just sat out,played tight and limped onto the ft,but as vad says,one win is as good as 10 9th's so i can live with that exit as i would have been about 4th if i had doubled up.

all in all a very profitable day.thanks for reading.

good luck at the tables

Bye darling,I'll miss ya!!!

*counts the hours til Sunday lunch time*

Mrs L,her of the infamous Mr and Mrs L double act aka my wife,is off to utilise a caravan we have access to in Seahouses,in Northumberland.She is of course taking my 3 kids and is gone from Sunday lunchtime til Wednesday night therefore expect to see Flanders aka big fat geordie twat pokering to his hearts content from early morning til well into the deed of night.Smashing!!!

I will miss her of course but frankly can't wait to have a crack at some of the tournies i can't normally play such as the 7.30pm 25 dollar as i really feel in good form at the mo and feel a good win is not too far round the corner.

After my 2 Ft's yesterday,i had another good effort today,taking 3rd place in the 12 noon freezout with a field of 103.I then entered the turbo muppfest which im quite rubbish at normally and managed a respectable 23rd out of 220,just missing out on money.

I have clawed some more points back on Rob today but am still a good 100 or so behind and know fine well that someone from the following bunch is gonna muff a 2nd or 3rd in a turbo and over take me.

Tonight i'm gonna play the hi lo again,having made 8 final tables now in this tournie in less than a month.It has become my very favourite tournie on laddies but i do wish they would up the gteed monies on it to say 500$ and am currently scanning other sites for more profitable hi lo tournies.I know Prima network do a 15 dollar entry but not sure what time its on.

I have been on a diet for the last 10 days or so after reaching somewhat gargantuing proportions i.e. 14 stone 4 for a 5ft 8 and a half bloke(never forget the half inch bit)and lost 4llbs in week one,and hope to get down to at least 13 stone by the end of September.Amazingly enough,the lack of Beer intake has quite dramatically improved my poker results,so that old adage "dont play pissed" is of course completely true.

Can't go without congratulating Kaz on her vip tournie 2nd place last night and good luck to the syndi lads over the next few nights as we try desperately to arrest our generally piss poor efforts thus far (goth's game excluded).

today's babe is for no particular reason,i just thought she would brighten up the blog.take care.

woo hoo!!

Not going into too much details today as frankly im shagged.Suffice to say that today has been a very very good poker day for me after two indifferent days.

This morning i managed to come 3rd in the 12 noon out of 95,and should have won after flopping two pair only to get muffed on the turn when the opponent hit an ace after calling my all in with top pair.

I then tonight,against all the odds after being down to 3k with 13 left,managed to finish 3rd in the hi lo picking up 229 dollars.Again i lost with the best hand after the flop.I flopped a straight and also had a flush draw but got called by the chippie who had only a draw but did of course hit his higher straight.

All in all a very good day,and once again a big thank you to my poker buddie Kaz who supported me on the rails in her own inimitable fashion.cheers lass.

Now i have consolidated second place in www.leaguenutz.com but still some way behind rob1973 who is in fine form and looks from what i have seen of him to be a very fine player.

reet bed calls,gl at the tables.

Hi Lo,Hi lo,it's off to work we go.....

Managed to muff my way to 2nd in the hi lo picking up 386 dollars and some well needed Nutz points so feeling pretty good.Should really have won the tournie as i had a good chip lead heads up,but 1 bad play and then a couple of bad beats meant i had to settle for second.Loving this tournie,due the the huge array of varying hands and it's general complexity,and am finding i have a real knack for it,so hope to qualify for the leocop if i can and have a crack at the big boys.

Holdem wise,struggling a wee bit,as my current run of KK losing everytime continues.I would be interested to know what the odds of KK losing 16 times out of 21 are,as i feel it's particularly high.Only twice was i behind to AA,other times always ahead.

Good results from the nutz crew in recent days,particularly Goth who played a blinder in the 50 dollar syndi we had,and then finished 6th late last night in the hi lo,where i went out in 21st.Good solid player is Goth,very impressed with him of late.

Trying to decide about Walton tournie.Dont fancy shelling out £200 entry fee to be honest as i'm sure to bomb out early doors but would like to qualify via a special so hopefully www.leaguenutz.com will sort one out soon.

Weather is fab oop North today,hot and sunny after a bit of a rainy spell so might stop in all day and play poker as you do.(snigger)

oh would you look at that on channel 915??? must dash......

mmmmm...

Dunno what to say really.Good form continued Thursday reaching another 2 Ft's,the 11 am(7th) and the hi lo (6th) gaining me a few quid and some Nutz points.Currently leading after 4 days but my good luck sure to end soon.

cracking forum is www.leaguenutz.com and some reet good banter so if u stumble upon this,check out the site and forum and get ya raggedy arse in the the nutz poker league.and get ya fucking room tidied aswell ya lazy little twat!!! .........and breathe.

Yesterday did not go to plan as such.The hi lo ended up with me out in 21st.Never really got going as i was arsing about on msn and not concentrating,and my full house was beaten by another full house to send me packing.Fortunately some fuckwit on the omagha cash table thought he'd re-raise my nuts 6 high straight with his 5 high straight and i won a nice 188 dollar pot,to recover my rebuys and syndi buy- ins with the 86 dollars profit from that hand.I haven't played any cash this week really,and it's probably to my benefit as my results show.

Anyhow,ya lazy sod,why are u still here???Frankly ya bedrooms a fucking disgrace and get those tissues out from under the pillow,ya dirty little herbert.

laterz

It's a funny old game!!!!

As Greavie's used to say "Poker's a funny old game". He didn't actually,as he always said Football's a funny old game,but then again he may have,when off his trolly on 6 Bottles of Jack Daniel's and a couple of Wobbly eggs.

The point is,after a somewhat barren spell,i'm now playing some of my best ever stuff,reaching 5 ft's in the last 24 hours.Aswell as winning the 11am,I also got 200 dollars from the Leocop final,an 8th in the hi/lo and then followed that up last night with an 8th in the 9.15 hi lo and a 9th in the 23.15 omagha.Pocketed somewhere in the region of £300 in 2 days,so well pleased with my game.Still fked up a couple of times,but hey,i ain't a pro and have loads and loads to learn so overall i'm pretty happy.

Nice to see Vad get a good win in the hi lo last night as he's been,like me,a little off form.Pity he had to double up at my expense when he flopped a fh queens full of tens against my kk pre flop,but i'm pleased for him,he's a good lad.

Great thing about Poker,is that every day is different so today could be utter pants and full of muffs and badbeats or could be a day of legends but ya just never know,so as always good luck at the tables except when calling my KK all in.

The Bubble is dead long live the Mupp slayer!!!

Well i feel a lot better thanks people.After a frankly poo weekend pokerwise,i managed a couple of ft's yesterday getting 8th and 8th respectively then finally broke my tournie win drought by winning the 11am muppfest today,pocketing 200 dollars.

Strangely enuff,it was all fairly straight forward first hour,as i made a couple of double ups and reached the break with about 9k,rebuying only once.I then found myself getting decent hands at the right time and actually won a nice 10k pot with KK when it held v QQ.

Hit a bit of lean spell for a bit and was actually 9th as we kicked off the Ft,but i decided this time i was going all guns blazing and not waiting around for a hand,and i stole a load of blinds,and fought my way to 4th with 6th left.I then found KK and QQ at the right times(they fucking held for gods sake) and ended up heads up with 240k v 60k.Five or 6 hands later and my constant all ins were rewarded when my A2 got called by Kj,and the 2 on the turn was enough for me to take home first prize,which i was well chuffed with.

Nice to get a bit of support from Rick,who popped on to wish me well,Cheers fella,much appreciated.

I am on day 2 of my diet(fucking red and green days) and i am bastard clamming and could eat a scabby horse so i am off for a bit of tea,and then i have the hi/lo daily final after playing last night and coming 9th from over 3000.I love this game and am gonna try to play more hi/lo tournies as it's a lot of fun and never boring(though can be a river nightmare)

anyhow,ta ra for a bit.

oh and here's a piccie for Fry,who like me is a huge fan of Turn on Tv's babe and for Jat who complained there wasn't enough fanny in my blog....